At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
