I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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