S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
