Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
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If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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