I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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