I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
