bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I want her autograph on my taint
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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