So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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