Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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