I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
