omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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