So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
