just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
