Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
