How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
