Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
nutella sex= disaster
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
