hell yes lets make some ravioli
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
