now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
