i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
