Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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