Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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