It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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