This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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