Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
