either way he was missing a nipple.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
