Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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