I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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