i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm both gender and math confused
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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