are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
