Nicole vs. Life
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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