i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
