I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
