i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
