I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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