ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
