i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
