I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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