I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
