so explain again why im purple
no
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
