what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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