He uses pillows to masturbate.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
