I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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