Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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