Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
