Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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