I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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