$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
