Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
