Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
