Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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