Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
