I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
