I want to have your abortion
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
