Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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