forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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