I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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