oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
