White coat. Heels.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
