You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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