ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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