im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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