I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
