i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
