you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
