so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
