How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
