Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
