So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
