Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
