I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I need to sanitize my soul.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
