i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
did i walk over a car last night?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
