So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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