so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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