I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
