We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
