overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
