hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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