I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize