I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
