one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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