i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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