Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
